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Montag, 10. November 2014

How to heal from a breakup: confessions of a broken heart




Hello my beautiful readers,

today I´m here with a very personal and touchy subject: heartbreak.

A lot of us have been there. Recently I´ve had the glorious luck to feel it again. The past month has been a torture for me, not just because of this heartbreak-thingy, but also because I lost a very close, - sweetest on earth - creature of mine, my beloved cat who decided to just not come home one day. It was hard. It still is. But instead of dwelling over broken promisses, making my eyes look puffy from crying like a little girl for getting her heart broken once again I decided I would not let this get to me. I would learn from it and I would share my experience so I could help others who feel as lost as I felt when this happened to me.

First of all you need to know that everything is going to be okay. You might not believe me right now, I might be doubting myself right now too, but somewhere in my heart I know that everything will be okay. It is okay to feel shitty, it is okay to feel like you are not yourself right now, like you´re lost, like you don´t even really know what you want, or who you are. It´s okay.

Give yourself time to heal. Give yourself time to cry your eyes out. Adapting to your new life, your new you is hard. And you will need time for that. I know what you´re all thinking right now. „I want him back. I don´t care why it ended, I just need to feel okay again!“ No. You need to be happy again – on your own! I hate the fact that people say we need time to heal. Guess what: I want to be happy now. Not in a month, not in a year. Now. Although I can´t promise you my tips will make you instantly forget whoever, or whatever broke your heart, they helped me feel better again.
  1. Banish everything in your environment that reminds you of this person. Take down pictures of you two together, delete them from your phone. I´m not saying you should erase this person from your life like he never existed. You can keep the photos somewhere you don´t see them, because no matter how bad a relationship ended, this person was part of your life, part of you and denying you had a wonderful time once is not right.

  2. Out of sight, out of mind!
    Delete his (or her) number from your phone. You can write it on a piece of paper and put it somewhere in your room, but DON´T allow yourself to call him, communicate with him in any way. And if you decide to keep his number, still have him as a friend on facebook etc. just keep away from him. No contact!

  3. Make yourself a playlist with music that does NOT bring you down, or make you cry. Only good, empowering songs! You need to feel confident again. You need songs that you hear while walking down the street and you feel like everyone who would even THINK about letting you go is just out of their minds.
    Those were my favorites:
    * TLC – no scrubs
    * Beyoncé – irreplaceable
    * Train feat. Ashley Monroe – bruises
    * Katherine McPhee – over it (yes this still might bring some tears to your eyes, but be strong and have a little faith in the lyrics!)

  4. GO OUT! I know this will be a little bad for your wallet, but at that point, believe me I didn´t even care. Go out to parties, go out for drinks with friends, flirt, have fun! I know flirting might be hard right now, because on the one hand you feel like you need to see people that are interested in you to make you feel like you are worth having as a girlfriend and going out with, but on the other hand you feel very weird doing that. Just weeks ago you were with someone, you were his girlfriend and now all of a sudden you are flirting with a bunch of strangers? But if it helps you feel confident and sexy again go for it!

  5. Keep yourself busy! All of a sudden you have all this free time, use it wisely! Work is always great to keep your mind away from negative thoughts, at least for me it is. Work out. Start a new hobby! Do something new and exciting!

  6. Talk. To be able to get your ex out of your mind, you need to get him out of your system! Talk to someone close about your feelings. Tell them what you think, what you feel. But be careful because if you do this a lot and for a great amount of time, people will start being bored and annoyed by your nagging. If you still feel like talking, talk to yourself. Write a letter to your ex telling him how you feel about what happened – DON`T SEND IT!
    Keep a diary! I think this is very helpful, because you will be able to come back to this later on in your life and knowing that you actually survived a heartbreak in the past and you don´t even think about this person anymore will help you see, that you are indeed stronger than you think! It might even help you get over a future heartbreak (knock on wood! We don´t want that!)

  7. Learn to love yourself again, value yourself for who you are. Don´t let other people`s insecurities about themselves get to you, and make you feel like you did something wrong in that relationship. Noone is perfect, and of course there were things that you could have done differently. But even if someone broke up with you because they didn´t love you anymore, don´t stop loving yourself. You can´t force someone to love you, but you are a loveable person. If there are things that you want to work on, do it. But never feel unworthy of love just because this one person was not capable of loving every single inch of your existence. Love yourself with all your heart! You are all that you have. You are valuable. You are important!

  8. Now let´s get to the hardest part: FORGIVE! You need to let go of all the negativity you are dragging with you from your past relationship. You will need time for that. But you can do it. Don´t hate your ex-boyfriend for not staying with you and for hurting you. Don´t hate him for any reason! Let go of him. If you don´t want to do this for him, do it for you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have an open heart free of insecurities and scars people left before disappearing from your life. Forgive him. Forgive yourself for falling so hard and allow yourself to do it again. You deserve to be loved, to love and to be happy!

I hope this post is helpful for all you people out there with a broken heart. You will heal. You will be okay. You will be great and someday, in the future, you will fall in love again. And it won´t even matter anymore, that you were hurt so bad. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message on thecolumnistl@hotmail.com .

Have a wonderful day.



"I can´t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.“

Jimmy Dean

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